Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A Guilty Conscience

Today has been one of those "Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Days" and I have to vent since I have a GUILTY CONSCIENCE.

Being a mother and a working professional is not always easy. (As I am sure many of you know) You feel guilty when you leave your children with others, you feel especially guilty when you leave them when they are sick, you feel guilty when you come home and your house is a disaster because you have not had time to focus on it, you feel guilty that you can't make it to all of your child's programs or "special days" at school, you feel guilty when you don't want to cook dinner because you are tired from working, you feel guilty because your husbands work shirts are wrinkled, you feel guilty when you go put put your children to bed and don't always have the energy to read them a book at night.

Then there is the flip side to that when you are at work and you feel guilty when you have to leave so much when they are sick or have Dr. appointments or have a program that you put your foot down and said you are going to this one, or heaven forbid take a half day off to take them to the rodeo. You also feel guilty when your mind is with your family and your home issues and worries that you did not give 100% at work and you know that you could have done so much better, you feel guilty when you have personal phone calls at work having no other choice since most doctors offices/banks/businesses/etc. are only open 8-5, you feel guilty when you take a 1.5 lunch because you were at the store buying stuff for your child's project or a dress for your husband's company party, you feel guilty when your late to work because one daughter pee'd her pants as you were about to walk out the door and the other tells you when you are almost to her school that she forgot her homework at home.

These are just a few of the things that I have been struggling with today...but...tomorrow is another day and life goes on. We have chosen a life style that requires me to work and I am for the most part happy with it but there are days like this. Thanks for listening. :o)

2 comments:

The Bente Family said...

I 100% feel your struggle. Because when it is all said in done, if I had the ultimate choice, I would not work, but I enjoy the life we have because I choose to work. I do feel bad when I drop off Henry, I hated the fact that last week he was sik for 3 days and I could not take off, so my Dad stepped in. That is a mother's job and it killed me. Then I see the flip side, I feel bad when I am not at work because, the things that need to be done, do not get done. My students miss out and I come back to total chaos. It is a challenging fact of life for a working mother, sorry you are struggling with this right now, but in the end, it is what is best for you and your family. Work to live, don't live to work...

jeanna said...

I am sorry you are struggling, but I know that it is hard. I know that being a mom is hard enough, but so wonderful. I also know that staying home is wonderful, but I do miss being able to influence others like I did coaching. Just remember that the time you have with your children is precious and make the most of it no matter how tired you are. I know this first hand, sometimes I am ready to leave my kids with my husband just to have a short break, and sometimes I can't get enough of them. Even those of us moms who stay home struggle it is just with different issuess!