Thursday, October 14, 2010

The kinds of stuff that brings you to your knees.

Today I checked in on a blog that I have been following for a while and I was brought to my knees.  You see....they are a young family, with two little girls and one was born a year and half ago with a rare illness.  After logging on I discovered that the little girl's body could not take it anymore and she has gone to heaven.

Moments like that - moments where your heart drops into the pit of your stomach, moments where your entire body aches for a family, moments where you are brought to your knees in sadness for a family are the moments that make me thank god for all of the blessings that he has given me and my family.  I read blogs of families who are in the midst of horrible situations such as this and I pray....I pray for them and I pray for myself.  I pray that I do not forget this moment, this feeling, this pain, this sadness for what I feel for these families is nothing compared to what THEY are actually feeling.  How can a parent lose a child and....well....I can't fathom that....I just can't.  I can tell you this....I love my children, my little girls, they are the meaning of life and the kind of love that a mother has is the kind of love that can't be broken.  So just the thought of what these parents are feeling just bring me to my knees and make me want to go and hug my girls.

Yes...I am rambling...I have thoughts and feelings rushing in that can't be tamed.

I feel ashamed that I am grateful that I am not in their shoes, ashamed that I never want to feel what they are feeling, ashamed that I am happy that my girls are healthy, ashamed that...well...that I am happy.  How is it that I can be so blissfully happy all while families struggle like this on a daily basis?  I am blissfully happy and that makes me sad.  That sure sounds confusing....but I guess the more correct wording would be that I feel guilty, guilty that I am so lucky to have all that I have, guilty that I would not trade my life for theirs.  {Does that make me a horrible person?} 

So here I sit praying for that family, praying that god give them strength to make it through these horrible days and thanking god for my blessings.  Please pray for this little girl who has gone to heaven and for her family left behind.  They may be strangers to us all but they are no strangers to god.  So pray....he will know who we are praying for.