Thursday, March 4, 2010

Hello 3rd Trimester

Well, it appears that I am entering my 3rd trimester and it has welcomed me with bouts of heartburn, backaches, tiredness, swelling, weight gain, grumpiness, and a little bit of waddling. So if the old saying is true that time flies when you are having fun, then I expect time to slow way down for the next couple of months. {grin}

Seriously, life and pregnancy are going pretty smooth and I shouldn't complain. I am excited that this baby...(have a hard time saying the name)...is healthy, thriving and growing on track. You see....it is normal for us pregnant woman to worry about the health of our babies on a daily basis and I also understand that it is totally normal to have fears. The hard part - the part I am struggling with is, when these thoughts bring me to my knees.

As a woman who has experienced a miscarriage, I know 1st hand just how hard it is not only on the mother but the father as well. I watched my husband have so many questions but not want to ask. I watched him try to console me while grieving himself. It was a sad sad time for us but I can't help but thank god that I was only 8 or so weeks along. Why would I thank god for allowing that to happen to us at all, you may ask. Well, for the simple fact that I have witnessed and heard so many stories of woman who have lost their babies much later in pregnancy and even at birth. VERY VERY SAD!

I am really struggling right now with the fact that I have a pretty close friend who a long while back lost two babies late in the pregnancies. Oh, I can't imagine the sadness that she must have gone through. But, my big struggle comes with when speaking to her about my current pregnancy, there is the constant reminder of what she went through, either by her talking about it or me just thinking about it. I have sympathy for this person and truly feel sorrow for what she has gone through. However, I just don't need or want that constant reminder anymore. It causes me more worry than I care to have. It causes me to have bad dreams. It causes me to shed tears in fear of the unknown. It causes me to not want to talk about the baby much. It causes me to not want to be excited or anticipate anything. I also believe it maybe why I find it hard to say the name that we have given her. To be quite honest.....It takes my joy away.

So, as I sit here typing this and feeling her kick and punch around in my tummy, I take this vow.....I vow, to love, enjoy, be excited, anticipate, and not be afraid to talk about this sweet little baby. And most of all I vow to say her name, as she does in fact have a name....HAYDEN!!! Some where in my worries and fears I lost the ability to say her name but truth be told......no matter how this whole pregnancy plays out - she will always have a name.

Now that I am in the midst of the 3rd trimester blues and may complain on occasion, (ok maybe a little more {grin}) I will cherish every minute of it. So, as you read this please know that Hayden is dearly loved and I feel so blessed to have her in my life. Please join me and say her name out loud. Hayden.

Thank you!!! Much love to you all.

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